Reflections on my self education

I’ve been ragging on myself about not knowing the same things that people from college background know, but as I’ve finally sunk my teeth into dyanimic programming. I realized I have been doing dynamic programming for years, and in fact am the person who has used it effectively in a work setting. Not bragging, but I am learning that I am much more capable than I thought myself to be.

The thing is that I still make mistakes, and once I realize them I stay at work until I fix them. This is an issue that I’m working through as it affect my time with my wife and my desire to keep working at a place that I am growing out of. I have spent years studying in my spare time, keeping up and marrying my wife, and juggling my family’s chaos with the chaos of a new one, while trying to find time for my hobbies and find a place to recharge. That is not including commutes or relationships with roommates. Everything I found that I am ready to start applying and going to graduate school, either a new circumstance that I have to drop my own self interest for or I learn there’s a new hoop I have to jump through. The master degree is the unicorn that my desire is chasing, I want it because I think I need it, but if I get it, will I feel any better? Will I relapse into another level of imposter syndrome?

Anyway as I am exploring the basics to start throwing down the gauntlet at graduate school, I am learning how much cool stuff I have done at work and how it seems I am underappreciated. I have been optimizing algorithms that traverse graphs, proposing distributed caches to reduce the time it takes for objects that are reused multiple times, and finding novel ways of reducing the impact of the cascading effects of a mismanaged Redux connected React application. I am just an average engineer at a job that found a niche and enjoy doing it, however I am feeling more and more confident without the need of a graduate degree. This doesn’t mean I’m not going to attempt to get one, I still am, and I look forward to the technical challenge that will make me into a greater engineer.

Rant over. But I should really cherish my laurels, which I haven’t been doing.